it's been a very long time since we took a family photo together. i donnoe why but to feel sad that my parents are aging. i may not be someone who really speak or show who i really am, but i'm sad. that day, sitting beside my father in his chair. i cannot help but to notice that his white hair is getting more and more. His temper changes recently. i couldn't help but to tell myself, it's time i grow up and stop making them worry for me.
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7:47 AM
7:47 AM
Recently cuaght in this dilemma. i could be high at the moment but emo-ing the next moment. This feeling sux alot. maybe this year throughout, i keep giving myself pressure. i don want to fall. partially because of my parent. More and more often. i found my mum telling me this "幸好你争气" I use to be someone that everyone look down on - especially within my aunt. among all my sibling, i'm the most stupid, although no one really compare within us, but i still felt inferior to them. :(
Listening to more and more story on how my father is being look down on by his brother etc etc. i couldn't help but to feel sad for him. i want him to be able to stand in front of his brother and friend and the only ways is that we 争气. But i'm afraid. i'm afraid i fail to do so. maybe all this pressure given to me and by me made me feel so emotional...
Listening to more and more story on how my father is being look down on by his brother etc etc. i couldn't help but to feel sad for him. i want him to be able to stand in front of his brother and friend and the only ways is that we 争气. But i'm afraid. i'm afraid i fail to do so. maybe all this pressure given to me and by me made me feel so emotional...
Journey://
7:37 AM
Monday, January 10, 20117:37 AM
can i just ask for that little trust of yours? you seem to disbelief that i can survive on my own and make decision myself.
something i wonder, am i wondering too much or it is a fact? you always fail to notice me. whenever i'm sad and down you never knew the reson. whatever i want, you never knew. the simple question of all. what is my greatest fear? i doubt you will know.
am i so minute to be notice by you. something being with your i just felt i'm redundent. No place fit in for a person like me. i know it wrong to think this way but without knowing... this is how i feel when i am with you.
something i wonder, am i wondering too much or it is a fact? you always fail to notice me. whenever i'm sad and down you never knew the reson. whatever i want, you never knew. the simple question of all. what is my greatest fear? i doubt you will know.
am i so minute to be notice by you. something being with your i just felt i'm redundent. No place fit in for a person like me. i know it wrong to think this way but without knowing... this is how i feel when i am with you.
Journey://
9:03 AM
Monday, January 3, 20119:03 AM
This was like the third time I turned on my computer. I couldn't fall asleep. Thank to him, my family seem to be breaking up. Not that I'm trying to be mean but ever since he step into our life, our life change. i miss those time where we chat and play "lame" game together. However, recently, i often wonder "Where is that "happy family" that i always share with people?"
If two person being together is suppose to be blissful then why isn't hers' the same?
Is "LOVE" the starting of sweetness? Or the starting of sadness? All I ask from him is to respect my parent a little more and to see her bright smile again. Is that too much to ask form him? I know that in a relationship, quarrel is inevitable but they are quarreling too often. And each time it was the her that is giving in to him? He seem to be forcing her to do it "his way" without giving her any space to negotiate. It's really heartening to see her cry every few day and to see my parent in fury every now and then.
If the him and her happen to see this post (highly impossible), this is for your:
To him: Please, don't always drive her to the corner. I not not supporting your relationship, but don't you think you should let her go? At least is for her own good. You say that she is very dependent on people then the more you should let her to be independent and not to plan her road and force your thinking to her. I cannot disagree that she think like a little girl and is freckle-minded but she has her own thinking. Maybe not to give up totally on this relationship but let go for awhile... just a little while.
Because you love her, you didn't wish that she will got hurt. But isn't getting hurt part and parcel of life? And because of all this experience, we learn and grow to be even stronger? You wanted her to be "yours and only"; not letting anyone to get close to her, does that really made her stay by your side? This only prove how much you don't trust her and this relationship. Fate is what bring two person together. If she is meant for you, even she have a million or even a zillion boy friends, she will still ended up with you, isn't it? like the Chinese saying :"有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢". Because you are afraid, she is suffering. Because you are too over-protective, she cannot be independent. Isn't this congregating to what you actually wanted? Let her see the world and experience herself. Let her be brave to stand up each time she fall... You are not helping her but harming her if you continue to be like this.
To her: I know it's hard to be sandwich by two group which you don't want to lose. Make a decision now. The longer you drag, the "more deep the scar would be". Be strong and stand on your view. Let him know what you really want and not that you love him so deeply that you wish to follow his will. You can follow his will, if you think that it is reasonable. If you really love him then the more you should let him know that his thinking is wrong. This not only help him but also yourself.
Your future is in your own hand. Without me telling you, i believe you should know. No one know what will happen in the next part of our life. We cannot avoid the bad future that might come, but we can prevent it, isn't it? Because you love him, you end your future here and let him plan the rest of it for you, but have you ever thought before, what if he left you? Not trying to be mean or nasty, but plan your own future. Don't depend on anyone but yourself because no one is going to be there for your rest of your life. They can advice you but not to plan for you. Think! What is best for you and fight for it. Because you are afraid to lose anyone, you ended hurting both parties. Is this worth it? If the other parties really loves you, they will support you.
What a redundant blog that i have written...
If two person being together is suppose to be blissful then why isn't hers' the same?
Is "LOVE" the starting of sweetness? Or the starting of sadness? All I ask from him is to respect my parent a little more and to see her bright smile again. Is that too much to ask form him? I know that in a relationship, quarrel is inevitable but they are quarreling too often. And each time it was the her that is giving in to him? He seem to be forcing her to do it "his way" without giving her any space to negotiate. It's really heartening to see her cry every few day and to see my parent in fury every now and then.
If the him and her happen to see this post (highly impossible), this is for your:
To him: Please, don't always drive her to the corner. I not not supporting your relationship, but don't you think you should let her go? At least is for her own good. You say that she is very dependent on people then the more you should let her to be independent and not to plan her road and force your thinking to her. I cannot disagree that she think like a little girl and is freckle-minded but she has her own thinking. Maybe not to give up totally on this relationship but let go for awhile... just a little while.
Because you love her, you didn't wish that she will got hurt. But isn't getting hurt part and parcel of life? And because of all this experience, we learn and grow to be even stronger? You wanted her to be "yours and only"; not letting anyone to get close to her, does that really made her stay by your side? This only prove how much you don't trust her and this relationship. Fate is what bring two person together. If she is meant for you, even she have a million or even a zillion boy friends, she will still ended up with you, isn't it? like the Chinese saying :"有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢". Because you are afraid, she is suffering. Because you are too over-protective, she cannot be independent. Isn't this congregating to what you actually wanted? Let her see the world and experience herself. Let her be brave to stand up each time she fall... You are not helping her but harming her if you continue to be like this.
To her: I know it's hard to be sandwich by two group which you don't want to lose. Make a decision now. The longer you drag, the "more deep the scar would be". Be strong and stand on your view. Let him know what you really want and not that you love him so deeply that you wish to follow his will. You can follow his will, if you think that it is reasonable. If you really love him then the more you should let him know that his thinking is wrong. This not only help him but also yourself.
Your future is in your own hand. Without me telling you, i believe you should know. No one know what will happen in the next part of our life. We cannot avoid the bad future that might come, but we can prevent it, isn't it? Because you love him, you end your future here and let him plan the rest of it for you, but have you ever thought before, what if he left you? Not trying to be mean or nasty, but plan your own future. Don't depend on anyone but yourself because no one is going to be there for your rest of your life. They can advice you but not to plan for you. Think! What is best for you and fight for it. Because you are afraid to lose anyone, you ended hurting both parties. Is this worth it? If the other parties really loves you, they will support you.
What a redundant blog that i have written...
Journey://
9:15 AM
9:15 AM